Just Running

Well my back has really been doing rather poorly so I've been running without a pack for a couple days now. Both yesterday and today it was solid, decent pace run. In fact, I believe my breathing has been really good. My legs have always been my strongest asset and my lungs I have struggled with. Anyway, I'm not sure if the pack runs are helping in some way to develop my lung capacity, along with the Yoga I've been focussing on for 3 months now, but whatever it is I will say it seems to be working finally.

Now for my back situation. The Doctor was not very supportive about my MMC aspirations HOWEVER he did not preclude it. He was actually quite wonderful in that he listened patiently to my 'history' quite intently it seemed. He was willing to sign off, and did so, but he cautioned me to be extremely careful and NEVER push myself through any kind of pain. SO, that means the ball is back in my court. Don't you hate it when the universe still forces you to face your own demons and make your own decisions? Anyway, I'm going to go to the next meeting, get the training schedule and start the program. My thought is that even if I can't handle the full program and be prepared for September's MMC, I can carry on for the full year and do the next one. It would be my own special super-long build up training program. Besides, the team are made up of the most remarkable folks. They have so much to share above and beyond the MMC itself so I'm not ready to part company with them. ~smiles~

Besides, I have my own personal Medic coming home in 13 sleeps who can help me make good day to day health choices when my back begins to talk back.

ONWARD it is then!



Unfortunately there is no site devoted to the MMC but here is a banner from an old one to add a little ambiance to my post.

Running With The Enemy

Holy hard run! I felt like I was fighting every injury enemy I own today. However, the sun and air were wonderful and while my mind was preoccupied with ouch this and yikes that, my feet were obviously not paying attention because I beat my best time on an 8Km pack run to date: 50 minutes even! HELLO??!! That is 6 minutes off the last one. I know that I was very well hydrated today. I'm always on the verge of not quite enough water these days, so I think the extra may very well have been my personal after burner. ;)

Here's something interesting. Now that I surf the Runner's Blogs boards I feel less 'alone' in what do. Not that there aren't a hundred runners a day laced up alongside me, but it's a whole new level of interesting exchange in a love for running. I feel like running is now something I truly share openly and joyfully instead of simply bashfully admitting to being one of *those* people that runs because I like it.

I'm feeling pretty good today and that works for me.

Warm & Noisy

Well today is going to prove to be a very warm day indeed. The sun is already filling my space with warmth and joy. The jet jocks are in the final stages of competition so it's very noisy outside to say the least. I'm going to save my run for the afternoon though I've just finished my weight training already! The gym was pretty much empty so I was able to zip through as quick as a bunny. I'm upto 36Kg total on the isolateral pull so for me that feels like a giant accomplishment. I never thought I'd ever regain my strength again seemingly.

My back is hurting pretty badly today and the NSAIDs are barely touching the pain. My medical had been postponed to this week from last because of my friend's health situation. So the anticipation of knowing whether or not I may continue with the MMC training is starting to eat away at me. In any event, today I will need to focus on stretching and back exercises. I'm now adding a spin class once a week for cross-training and I think I shall add aqua-jogging again too. That will give me only 3 days a week on my good old fashioned feet. My cardio/pack trg will look something like this for the next two weeks:

Mon Elyptical with 15kg pack mixed-interval 60min
Tue spin class (not sure of length yet I think 40min)
Wed on foot with 15Kg pack 8Km route
Thu Aqua-jog 40min
Fri on foot with 15Kg pack 8Km route
Sat Elyptical mixed-interval 60min or on foot 12Km route (NO PACK)
Sun and she saw that it was good so she Rested

After this I'll keep the same layout but increase time and distance on foot. If I'm allowed to train then I will also begin to add the extra 120lbs, for 3km stretches, to simulate the portage portion of the program. Not sure where/when that will be incorporated but I'm rather certain the coach will have an idea.

So what if Veteran's affairs so says no way at medical time? Well I guess I'll take off the pack and do a traditional training program with the distance and speed aspects in mind. At some point early next year I will re-evaluate and hopefully begin to add weight to my back again. In the meantime I'm adding plenty of core stability training, about 12 minutes a day, to develop my core strength. I think it's even time for a formal pilates element in the form of a class. However, that needs to wait until DH is home and can spell me off in the evening with the children so that I can get to a class.

Well that pulls out lots of my where am I and what am I up to for now so I'm off to make like a house wife for a bit. Honestly, it still feels so wierd even after 10 months to be a SAHM or HW!! Will I ever be able to join the work world again??!!! Especially one that doesn't wear green and salute things!

Beijos To My Shoes

I love my new shoes. I have a pair of New Balance 855s and after the first blisters of the break-in phase, I have to say these are some wonderful little foot huggers. My low arched, overpronating feet combined with a case of plantar fascitis on the right foot, desire nothing short of a strict regime of motion control and good cushioning. These little ladies have both in abundance.

I hit the running trails back in my most recent, previous home this weekend and they held up on the woody, ruggard terrain beautifully. The smell of newly budding flora and wet sand was so welcoming to my restless spirit. I had chosen precisely the right combination of dri-fit T with a thin, storm tech overlayer on top and my favourite Hind running tights on bottom. Top that off, or should I say bottom that off, with my spiffy new blue and yellow NB 855s and I was left feeling like an old hand at the running gig. I was also immensely grateful that I have the physical ability to run no matter how fast or slow.

Do you ever just stop and think...thank you shoes? LOL Well, I did. :) I also took a moment to thank my God for all the wonderful blessings in my life, big and small.

Beijos running friends.

And The Beat Goes On

Isn't it amazing how when tragedy strikes the world keeps moving? It seems both cruel and comforting all at once. I found out today that our best friends, whom we were posted away from last July, are facing Cancer and death. The husband, Monty, has been told he should have been dead some time ago and that he's on borrowed time. They can still carry on with some treatment but it's a crap shoot in terms of possible success. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach.

So what did I do first thing? You guessed it, bandaged my foot, laced up and hit the trail. My angels must have helped me with the bandages because I didn't feel a thing. I ran and remembered his cheerful, goofy smile. He loves to run...and jump of course. He's Airborne. As the kilometers melted underneath my feet I began to feel so grateful for Monty & Pegs' presence in our lives again, the way I had given thanks for them many previous times. Somehow they are 'just like us' and they seem to know what we are, who we are and why. Likewise we are the same for them, like kindred families if you will?

The sun was shining in a bright, vibrant blue sky as I stretched into my full stride and let the tears once again splash from my cheeks onto the path. At that moment, a group of F-16s came flying in out of my NW field; almost like a harbinger of good faith and painful memory. It was Monty's company that had been accidentally bombed in Afghanistan on his and Mark's last tour...I guess the last tour for Monty ever now of course. As the Americans danced in the air above me I remembered how many times Monty have cheated death in uniform. Why would I think that he wouldn't plan to be utterly magnificent in his defiance and skill once again? I remember he and my Husband, when someone uses the phrase: "I'd die for my country," would respond: "Well I sure as hell won't. Let the other guy die for his country 'cause I'm living for mine!" Absolutely, foolishly sure we are, each of us, that we will not be the one to fall.

I kept running and the fighter games continued on in the sky. I halted and ran on the spot for awhile as a group of school children crossed my path on their way to swim lessons. I nodded greetings to a couple groups of foreign flight crews as I was warming into my 4th km. Life just carried on as I ran. I was calmed and soothed by that and yet at the same moment I wanted to yell up to all the magnificent metal birds who were weaving in the sky: "can you go give Monty a fly by? I think he would like that. He's dying and I don't know what to tell him. I just want him to be better."

I sent my wishes and heartache up into the sky and the rhythm of my running, my long strides, created a strong current that I knew would send them straight to heaven. As I breathed in my precious clean air and turned my face to the sky I just knew that whatever it is life gives me to work with, I was going to wrap it up in a beautiful, giant, running bow.

And the rays shall lead me back

Well, I sure wasn't going to settle for sitting with my tender little tootsie up while the sun was beckonning all the locals into her warmth. Besides, the jet jocks are up to some pretty amazing stunts these days. I just love watching them swoop and dive in amongst themselves like flocks of geese grooving to a little Bryan Adams. I love watching the 'show' while I run.

So, here was my masterful trick to get through the run. My success is thanks to my wonderful Medic of a husband's experience. I grabbed a nice piece of telfa (non-stick gauze) and smooshed on some polysporin and zylocaine gelly. Place that over the wound, then wrap in light gauze. Finish with my regular sports tape. Worked beautifully. I'll admit I didn't break out of a trot and in fact kept to walk/trot splits for the 8km BUT I did go and that's what matters.

I'm feeling pretty cheeky right now. Granted much less so every time I go to stand up. ~sheesh~ Oh well, I think I needed the little setback to bring into focus whether or not I was ready for this sort of goal setting. What I learned is that I'm at least ready to try really damn hard. For once I'm not here to beat myself up into doing it but work hard on my terms to get where I, Reba, choose to go. What a feeling!

OMG - OUCH!

I just had to get on and feel sorry for myself. So when I went off to have my shower and take my tape off. aside: I tape my arches because I overpronate a fair bit plus I add a little telfa to prevent and protect the blister spots. Well I was busy grooving to some tunes and feeling so good I just ripped the tape right off of my left foot. OMG I ripped a whole chunk of skin right off!! ~tears~ I've gone down the labour and delivery road of course, I've broken a bone, trashed my knee falling from a skid when learning to rappel, dislocated my SI joint and gotten metal shrapnel in the eye...guess what? THIS HURT MORE!! Holy crap...ouch, ouch, ouch. Okay, well, at the moment I was sure it hurt more.

Allrighty then, so someone needs to pay better attention when good moods strike. With my Medic Husband off saving the world for yet another month I'm left to care for my own wounds. Hopefully I do as well as he does...I will have to do without the soothing, strong hands that make my feet look like a wee babies of course but I'll manage.

I think I'll go surf the RW forums and see if anyone has some really great ideas for wrapping and healing quickly. I feel much better now...~deep sigh~ I like self pity in small, comforting doses.

WooHoo

I don't know how else to describe today except: WooHoo

Weight Training was Triceps and Biceps Day. I especially like doing the Preacher Curl exercise because I can physically watch the improvement in that particular muscle. Competing for weights and space in the gym wasn't too bad today so I was able to do everything in the correct order for once. I like order...call me anal I suppose.

The weather was precisely perfect and I finally broke my little rutt of doing only 6Km and went for 8Km. I also loaded up with the full 15Kg of weight into my pack. So it was 8Km with 15Kg in 56 minutes. That's still below the standard, but then again I'm not training for operational theatre am I? I'm still not using a ruck sack yet though. I want to make it to 20Km and ensure my back is ready for the spine killer. At least we don't wear combat boots for this event anymore eh?!

So life seems to be back on track. I'm eating and sleeping on my regular schedule. No mood swings or nightmares in 2 sleeps! Well, can believe I've been so busy again today that I haven't showered? So I best finish up and take dinner off the stove to feed my little ladies then run off for a cleaning. :)

God's Hand in the Sunshine

Today was awesome! I did my weight training first then off I went for an outdoor short pack-run. 45 minutes of sun that absolutely filled the sky. What seemed like a million jets left their graceful marks accross the sky as they played and danced in their game to determine the best while I ran. I ended up running part of the way with a dear friend, which I absolutely try never to do (I'm a lone runner by nature), and we had a great time. It kept my pace strong but reasonable too which I needed since my knee is behaving badly again and the blisters were still a bit wanky.

I LOVE the heat...well Northern Canadian heat that is, so by most accounts I suppose that doesn't count for much. LOL I love how it feels to empty my camel back by the end of the run and be drenched in sweat. It was actually 22 above! Not a snowflake in sight. ~big grin~

I go for my clearance medical later this week to see if I can join the Mountain Man Triathalon team that is training for next year's competition. I'm so nervous. I want so badly to have a meaningful goal and the Mountain Man has important benchmarks for me. I struggle with pushing myself and getting better while still ensuring that I don't cause any serious injury. When I smashed up my knee the first time they told me I should never ruck again. I did every single exercise they gave and found more of my own, I took glucosamine and chondrotin (sp?) supplements, added new stretches and I built myself up slowly until I was successfully rucking again 10 months later. Come to think of it they said that about my back first time I got hurt and I was still able to build up slowly and properly to meet the Army BFT (Basic Fitness Test) standard the following year for Kosovo pre-deployment training. So, I want to make sure that I listen carefully but be aware enough to recognize if their prognosis of my back or knee is more drastic than what I know I can overcome. Still I only get on the team if I clear the medical.

I'll admit I'm pretty nervous too of getting on the team and starting to watch the numbers and stats on me begin to roll by. I'm a girl that lives life by brail as my husband says. I go by how I feel, what seems right etc. Watching my times, my distances etc feels like turning joy to something impersonal. I realize they are important and even vital to reaching goals and I've always submitted to them when ordered to for whatever team I was working on while in the military, but this time its a choice.

Well too many thoughts rolling around in my pretty but sweaty little head today so I'll hit the shower and then it should be time to pick up the chicklettes from school.

Training with Children

Normally Sunday is my rest day but since yesterday had to be a write off I decided today would be important. So with no childcare (Husband is still deployed back in Afghanistan) and keeping with my priority of family stays together on Sundays, I strapped up the pack and put my girls on wheels and off we went.

It was great, Sophie was my interval trainer. She would scoot ahead as fast as she could on her bike and she'd make me catch her. Micheila was my 'smelling the roses' girl. She made me stop and look at all the beautiful, natural treasures along the millenial trail we were on. I was very conscious of posture and method of bending, lifting etc. I think that was good stability work for my back.

So it was 6Km with a broken pace, some good sprints and 2 hills, both moderate. Overall I think it was actually a pretty decent run and the joy of having my little ladies with me...well that's just good training for the heart strings.

The only downside were the blisters on my arches from the new runners. I changed runners from Saucony Grid Shadow 8s to New Balance 855. Which incidentally I can't seem to find these new babies online but they sure felt right when I did my little thing at the shoe store. I've had great shoes that gave me blisters first time out a couple times before and they worked out well with a little tweeking of the inserts and arch taping. I should be taping regularly anyway on my right foot for the plantar fascitis that tends to flare up when I add weight to my runs. So hopefully this was just a little something that will work out...Lord help me because shoes are going up and up constantly. A lot like the price of gas. LOL

Golly was I hungry afterward though...~tilts head~

NO Shift Work

One of the ominous aspects of my medical release from the military was that I could no longer stay in because I was not permitted to do Shift Work. Well what is a soldier if not on a myriad of shifts in theatre? 24, 36, 48 hour shifts with 3 hours sleep to start again. Still it amazes me that when I simply loose sleep, like last night being up with 2 sick chidren until 3am and then rising at 7 to carry on with day, I can't manage the least bit of normal function in terms of my workout. The horrible irony there is that my emotions are in a dreadful state and running makes me right...in every single way, running make me RIGHT.

Seargent Major on the Run

Background: The base I live on is in the middle of a Canadian version of the American Top Gun competition (Exercise Maple Flag) and we have air force personnel from many different countries living with us for about 2 months while the competition ensues.

Well, this is just one of those moments where the universe makes you go 'huh?' ~tilting head & squinching up my nose~ On my outdoor pack-run this morning an American Sgt-Maj (called a First Sgt I believe he said the equivalent of a Cdn Sgt-Maj) saddles on up next to me and drops his pace to catch mine. He was not out of breath from doing this either though I'd say he would have had to really stretch it out to catch me! When I left there was no one coming to the trail and I was 3km out when he caught me.

"I've been watching you run this past two weeks and the look on your face made me want to find out why you're doing it" he explained.

At his words I looked out at the long rows of rusted mental relics that sat crumpled in my mind. I know that they are now mostly a picture and not my reality, but still they lurk and lumber in my waking shadow. His querry was so much deeper than the words he used. Or perhaps it wasn't and I was simply in a place that required my truths to finally spill out onto my running path. Quiet tears began rolling down my cheeks at his words, and this response, at one time, was this soldier's worst nightmare. I said nothing. I hadn't even given him more than a polite nod by this point when he had gained my ground. In spite of my tears and apparent rudeness, he just ran beside me content to wait patiently for my answer. About 500 meters down the path I said: "I'm just not ready to let go sgt-maj," to which he nodded as though he were standing beside me in my junk yard, surveying the broken down, rusted out pieces splayed before us.

How is it that he knew I hadn't simply meant not ready to let go of the military or hell, not ready to take out the garbage for that matter?!

We ran the whole course together. I quietly cried for most of it. But his presence made my pack almost invisible in it's weight. I realized that the reason I run with a pack is because it is a physical manifestation of the burden of my memories. This just hits me as I think about my answer to Running Chick in an earlier "comment block." With him beside, quietly accepting and acknowledging my filthy, sprawling junk yard, the weight seemed diminished. His validation took the weight out of my junk. No one will bother you about the dreadful garbage pit you live in if they see you working very hard to clean it up right? But if they don't mind being in your dump and came only to see you, well, you needn't tire yourself out looking like a responsible garbage dump owner trying to rid the world of your yard's dreadful pestilence.

When we returned to the sports centre I introduced myself by name and said "thank you" with the most truth I have ever used to utter those words. What I meant was thank you for shouldering my junk yard sgt-maj, thank you for validating my 'place' and thank you for not needing to fill the air with all those things that mean nothing.

Do you believe in angels? I do. Do you think that running without my sgt-maj, as my blog title boasts, was a phrase conjured from relief to be free of a uniform or duty? It wasn't. I loved my uniform, my sgt-majs and my duty. Though there is much needed freedom and space for me now to grow, I long for the image of what it was I expected to be while clad in green and saluting my flag.

Pack Day...Inside

My weight load is up again this week in 2/3rds of my exercises. That feels incredible.

I've decided to run with pack on the elyptical. At first when it was 'pack' day I simply went outside because, well, it never occurred to me you could run with pack...inside. But what the hell really, I couldn't go outside since I'd forgotten proper clothes for the weather (snow AGAIN grrr), and it was 'pack' day, so I just strapped it on and hopped up. Worked well actually. It was a wonderful change not to have a throbbing, hideously aching knee afterward.

My body is definitely responding to my efforts not that my clothing has changed much...a wee bit here and there. However, my energy and self-image are definitely fitting into a bigger picture.

Did I mention I can't seem to tolerate anything remotely greasy or sweet?! How cool is that?

Man I'm Good...But The Diet Must Follow

Holy knicker whackers but I'm a good runner with pack! What is it about the pack that makes me better instead of slowing me down? My weight training is coming along great. Who would have thought short muscle bellies exisited and were a good thing? I look like a cherub she-rah though. I don't hate my appearance, heck my DH adores me still and I swear the man is obviously blind since he seems not to notice the relief map of the Andes on my mid-section. Then again it's his fault for getting me preagnant six times right?

Anyway, I have always eaten quite well but when the flashbacks and nightmares start I end up in the carb isle far too long. I'm certainly not in the NO CARBS or Atkins Diet category BUT I certainly know balance when I see it and especially when I don't. Helps that I'm a Libra of course. ;) Balance is missing.

Time to face the demons again so here I am running like hell and eating the carbs. The She-Rah Cherub prevails...well today was acknowledgement day so let tomorrow be changing that day.

Finally a Goal

Okay, so my goal is to be able to run the 32km with pack portion of the Aynsworth Dyer Mountain Man competition in 2005. I'm up to 1 hour and 10 minutes with said pack. Haven't been tracking the kilometers yet because mostly I run/ruck for emotional reasons these days. I think I will start to track in June. I still have a few more big emotions to tame right now. I was inspired by the Running Chick, a blogspot I found here. She's a true runner in her heart and I'm looking for the inner runner in me right now; or the inner penguin as the famous author of The Penguin Chronicles in RW magazine would say. (www.runnerworld.com)

Super tired so this is boring and simple once again. Where has the writer in me gone these days? Oh well, all in it's time of course.